Sweaty Betty

Hey Angel and Devil

I've been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks and she's perfect - she's really hot and laughs at my jokes - but she's got like a mad sweat problem.  Now I've been out with loads of girls and none of my previous girlfriends have sweat like this.  All her clothes have giant sweat patches on them and this morning I noticed she left a sweat stain on my sheets.  It's pretty gross and smells rank!  I really like this girl, but I don't know how or if I should bring this up with her.  

Can you help?

- Drenched

Angel 

Dear Drenched,

Sounds like you’ve got yourself in a sticky situation.  Seriously though, I think this boils down to three questions.  

Firstly, can you live with it?  Is your girlfriend sweating a lovable quirk or a deal-breaker?  You say she’s perfect, so can you overlook the sweating or can you not face the thought of her drenching your sheets every night for the rest of your life?

Secondly, do you think she knows about her problem?  I think she’s more than likely aware of her sweating.  I’m sure she’s incredibly self conscious and hoping that you don’t mention it.  This means that if you decide to bring the issue up, you’re not likely to be telling her something that she doesn’t already know – but you will embarrass her.

Thirdly – and most importantly – could this be a health issue?  It doesn’t sound normal to sweat that much, and perhaps she needs to see a doctor.  I think that if you’re concerned about this, the best way to raise this is as a medical issue.  But if she says she’s already seen a doctor – and medical treatment hasn’t worked – this brings you back to question one.  Ultimately you need to decide whether you’d be happy to throw away a potentially great relationship because of this issue.  Hey, there could be something about you that’s really bothering her that she’s let go.  Nobody’s perfect (not even me!)

Love, Angel.

Devil

Bonjour Drenched...

If I were to have an 8th deadly sin, it'd totally be hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating).  Seriously, it's pretty gross... I reckon she must know she has her very own onion scented monsoonal storm cloud under her arms.  It's not like you could miss it.  To me it sounds like things are going straight to hell (don't worry, I'll leave a light on for ya!)

Solutions?

a) Drug her and hire someone to inject her under the armpits with Botox -- this is actually an effective treatment.  It wears off in 9 months, so you'll have to do it again.  Or she might be someone else's smelly problem by then, so who cares? 
b) Wear a peg on your nose and force her to sleep on a towel to protect your sheets.  It might humiliate her into doing something about it.
c) Run away!  Run away!!!
d) Buy her different types of deodorants and perfumes, and see which ones work.  Just don’t buy that Katy Perry perfume.  That shit comes from a river near my house. 
e) Fight back.  Eat only lentils and corn for 4 weeks.  Get flatulent.
f) Take up smoking to mask the smell.  (I have stock in several major brands of ciggarettes-- I don't mind spruiking for them!)
g) Buy crappy sheets from your local bargain store & a nice big fat black marker.  Wait till she stains the sheets and circle the stain with the marker.  Ask her what the stain is all about.

I sure hope this is helpful...Wait no I don't.  I'm the Devil!  Sheesh!  What was I thinking?

-D.