Hen's Night-Mare

Hello angel and devil,

A question for your site?

I am at an age where it seems everyone is getting married, this then leads to the obligatory hens parties. It seems hens parties these days are either ridiculously expensive carrying on for days or they are hyped up kids parties without the chocolate crackles (and lets face it that’s the best part of a kids party). So what I'm looking for is creative hens parties ideas and a way to avoid the games such as "pin the junk on the hunk" and pass the parcel with penis shaped toys inside.

Love

Free range hen

 

Angel

 

Dear Free Range,

 

Thanks for your question.  The main thing to keep in mind is that, while the party is all about the Bride, this doesn't mean you have to be at the mercy of Bridezilla. 

 

Since it's the Bride's party, you should try to accommodate any reasonable (or quasi-reasonable) requests.  If the Bride wants a tacky pink veil, shiny sash, genitalia-themed straws, strippers, and embarrassing dares, then (sigh) this is what you need to organise.

 

If she's all like, "I dunno", then give her a couple of suggestions:  seeing a band she's a fan of, going to the taping of a TV show she likes (this could be free!), or an afternoon of make-overs (DIY if people are on a budget, or hit up a day spa if you're in the money).  Also check out those 'Daily Deals' websites - maybe you could go sailing, or have a group cooking class, or a wine tasting.

 

If you're dealing with a Bridezilla, who wants a week in Thailand (or anything outside the hens' budgets), remember she's probably just temporarily insane in the lead-up to the wedding.  I suggest standing your ground:  she'll eventually see reason.  If she doesn't, you may want to contemplate the advice below.

 

Love, Angel.

 

 

Devil

 

Ahoy-hoy Free Range,

Obligatory hens' party eh?  Well, first things first, there is no such thing as an obligatory hens' party - that is unless you owned a bunch of actual hens on the condition that you held a party for them.  And those are some pretty weird circumstances.

So...advice... These parties are supposed to signify some kind of 'last day/night/whatever' of freedom before entering into the chokehold that is marriage, right?  Well, rather than playing frankly childish games involving male genitalia or hiring some greased up orange-skinned stranger to take his clothes off and reveal that he has male genitalia (what a shock) -- I suggest a string of activities to dissuade your friend from getting married in the first place!

I think the theme of the hens' party should be poo.  (These things have themes right?  eh, they do now.) 

Activity 1:  Volunteer at a child care centre
I know what you're thinking, right? why would the Devil suggest voluntary work?  Well, I think any work that's unpaid and not pleasant is funny.  So anyway, the point of this voluntary work is to get your bride to be used to cleaning up baby poo.  Get her to change as many nappies as she can! 

Activity 2:  Shit shovelling
Marriage is about compromise and I can't think of a better analogy for compromise than shovelling some shit.  Go to a farm, volunteer to move some cow turds. (or hey, chicken turds -- it is a hens' party after all)

Activity 3:  Volunteer at an aged care centre
And while you're at it, get your bride to be to volunteer to help change colostomy bags.  It's one of those things that she might just have to do for her future husband when he's old and incontinent. 

After all this, if she still wants to marry him, then at least she knows what she's in for!

-D.